When problems come we say in pain that
"God! why me?"
but when happines come to us daily and we do not say
"God! why me?"
...
Learn to say in every condition that
"Yes God! Its me"
Depending on if you choose to stay a loner or not, you will probably have rough waters ahead.
The loner life is tough and unstable. The worst part however is the transition with someone of the opposite sex. There are characteristics that normally make you "great" that now make you miserable. Like loyalty, feathfulness, kindness, and caring. The things that make you strong make you week and you just don't understand. You give and give with no return. Normally that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but the person you are caring for and wanting to be with and help out so much doesn't really notice.
The lack of aknowledgment makes it hard for the relationship to be "2 way". The lack of communication that you are so used to from being a loner now kills you. Your mind starts racing and you start feeling emotions which you aren't used to. You wonder why you feel like this when you know that you're doing Everything possible to make things enjoyable for everyone. It bugs you and makes you go crazy! Then you realize... that there are some things (like relationships) that can't be "one sided" you can't have control of the whole situation like normal. You have to rely on others to do their part (which scares you). You start looking back at your loner life and wishing you would have just stayed that way. But then part of your mind keeps telling you that being lonely sucks compared to a happy relationship. You sit and think for hours on end. you don't accomplish anything and you feel like crap.
People will offer to help you out but you turn them down because you are used to doing everything yourself. But you havn't been stuck like this before.
You aren't used to problems that you just can't solve on your own. You think if theres anyway that you could end things easily and go back to the loner life... but it's too late, you have been affected by another and all you can do now is hope... ...hope that you will show up on the radar. Hope that you can work your way up and be on the other persons mind. You want the chance to be a friend and have fun and joke around. but this person already has really good friends. there's no room for you in that aspect of their life. You think of other ways to be needed. You know that the family will always be there taking up most of the other persons life. You unfortunatly have to face the fact that things like sports will take priority over you also. You realize that no matter what the other person says and no matter what they do, they won't understand fully.
They won't understand that they aren't fully ready for someone like you. They havn't reached your age or your calibre. You are somewhat trapped in a position that brings you great joy and even greater pain. But you fight on because you never give up. You grit your teeth and decide that you're just tired and going crazy. You decide that you need sleep and you need to stop caring so much, just for a little bit. The other person will be too caught up in things to notice that you are fighting with yourself to focus on yourself once again if only for a few hours so you don't go insane. But you can't help but care for the other person and want to be with them all the time. you want to make them happy, you want to feel the comfort of having them by your side.
The comfort that you have been lacking your whole life... The comfort that a loner can never feel (or never feel and want to go back to just being a loner again). You want to make up for all the years that you havn't been able to pamper someone with love and be cared for and pampered in return. You don't want to do anything in fright that you could miss an opportunity with the other person. You anxiously await the times when you have a plan to hang out or even talk. You many times end up waiting for nothing, or for postponement. But it's those few times that you see them that you feed off of. You let everything else slide just to be with the other person while the other person has No idea that anything like this is going on. they don't ever have a second thought about the situation (if they even have a thought). You just decide that you are going to be in pain like this for awhile. but you will patiently wait out of the pain in hopes that the other person will progress or that something might change. you will put yourself in every possible place to open up an opportunity. Your head starts to hurt because you have been thinking and stressing too much and decide to "just relax" and go to sleep before you can talk yourself out of giving yourself a break. For tomorrow is another day! and you can think things through all over again when you wake up.
Hoodlum: The Bonnet, The Shades and The Beer ( not shown )
Meme
A meme (pronounced /miːm/)[1] consists of any idea or behavior that can pass from one person to another by learning or imitation. Examples include thoughts, ideas, theories, gestures, practices, fashions, habits, songs, and dances. Memes propagate themselves and can move through the cultural sociosphere in a manner similar to the contagious behavior of a virus.
(from Jabbered Onion...)
a meme (rhymes to theme) is an action created by someone that gets passed on to the next participant through tagging. it is generally an internet epidemic.
I am tagging the following people: (2 from Multiply and 1 from Wordpress)
Instructions:
Uma Karuna Thurman, daughter of Robert Thurman and Nena Thurman, was born in Boston, Massachusetts, on April 29, 1970. Uma's father was the first American to be ordained a Tibetan Buddhist monk. Her mother is a Swedish psychotherapist and former Vogue model once married to the LSD guru Timothy Leary. Uma's mothers father, german baron, was held by Nazis because he didn't want to reveal his Jewish friends hideout. Uma Thurman had been briefly married to Gary Oldman when she was nineteen.
The word \"testis\" cames from the Latin meaning to bear witness. In ancient Rome, only men could bear witness or testify in a public forum. In order to show importance to their testimony, they would hold their testicles as they spoke, and an oath was declared while holding another\'s testicles.
After I saw the movie "Sex and the City" I am very curious about the Book that they referred in the movie. It is titled "Love Letters of Great Men"... July 6, in the morning
My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be -
Your faithful LUDWIG.
~o~o~O~o~o~
Evening, Monday, July 6
You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?
~o~o~O~o~o~
Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours
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