Every year is memorable for us... But for this year it is different.. 2009 was the year that made me learn and realize on to something different. This was the year where i fell down and stood up in a process and found new things where I can simply share be accepted as what I am. This was the year when I realized that everything is in constant change, That we need to accept things despite of any decisions that we made.
The year started with a shaky relationship, with someone that I thought would be the one. It started my year with nothing but a gloomy weather. He left me for unnecessary reason, for something that he can't accept of being me. I was shattered and was down. But then again new opportunity came. I was promoted at work and being recognized by people on what they see me as a potential.
I worked hard... And yet the fruit is still ripe that right now... Im still working hard in order for me to grow and explore onto something new.
I was hooked up with my job. I have closed my doors to any possibilities that would come when it comes to relationship.
I spent time with my bestfriend and close friends as an outlet of being lonely and alone despite of the successes that I've achieved.
I dated a couple of people but it didn't work out.
Until I met someone that made my world smile. Someone that made me laugh and smile despite of sadness of being alone. Someone that accepts me of what I am. Someone that is open and vocal on things that we want to agree on to. Someone that I truly love.
RIght now I'm happy and yet contented on what I have. Now, I realized why people smile despite of everything that is against you. I learned how to take risk and face fear no matter what. I learned to love and be loved in return. And most of all I learned to prioritize things and recognize people as such.
Thank you for being a part of my year. And looking on to a New Year to spend and a new year to work on to things that I started this year.
As I watch through my window... I see the very gloomy sky... I feel the cold weather... i can hear the raindrops falling from the sky...
But despite of a sad and gloomy day... I feel better, thinking of the things that I have done, moving on and not looking back, achieving my goals and learning the art of acceptance. I can say that I am Renewed.
People tend to get bitter everytime they lost the love that once they had. We tend to put hatred on it and ask ourselves "What have I done?" We become weak, start being sarcastic, and somehow lost the ability to love. We isolate ourselves and trying to find another comfort zone.
But looking on the brighter side. Instead of killing ourselves from emotional breakdown. Let go of things that aren't meant for you to have.
A friend once sent me a very inspiring message. It says:
"You should be bitter and don't be full of hatred when the one you love does not love u the way you love him. Ask, listen and let go. Don't force youself to understand when you can't, to fight hard when obviously its over and to play deaf to the nagging truth that what you've had doesn't work and wont work anymore...
Say this instead
I had loved you more than you think I would, but I feel sorry that you've lost your chance to be loved more that you would ever feel in your life after this."
If I had any regrets on something that I've done in the past... that I could be better today..
I answered..
"I don't regret any decision I made and any mistakes that i could have corrected in the past.. Everything happens for a reason.. Life isn't all about destiny.. It is always a Yes or No.. Now or Never... It is a choice.."
There's always a point.. where we always reminisce the past and think of something we could have done that would make us better today... But looking on the brighter side, we always look forward and accept that things really happen for a reason... But the good thing is ... we tried everything to make it better prior to moving on...
Happiness can be achieved once we accept things that made in the past... make us what we are today to be better... happy and fulfilled...
Sometimes... its not what we want that can make us happy... Its what's not and acceptance..
--
"Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Most of us always hold on to something that we can barely touch. We always think that holding on means hope, where hope is becoming a mere ambition, a dream. A dream, that will never come true, that will always stay as a dream.
Learning the art of acceptance means facing the reality, We always get back on the track and move on. Live our lives in a normal way where it is used to be. We always move forward and leave no traces behind but tracks.
Right now... Life has been treating me so nice... Where I can live by my own decision, choose the right path for me. And most of all living life to its fullest, Loving the way it is, and accepting things always happen for a reason.
For the past few weeks I've been ejoying life. hanging out with new found friends who shares their thoughts, feelings and insights. Making me comfort most of the time when i feel down and depressed. Chillaxin in movie houses and have some good conversation over a cup of coffee. Having a laughing moments with Red Horse, Kamikze, Microphone and Bleeding Love songs. Going to church on sundays and listen to the homilee and word of God. They are the one who oppose on what you think and look on the positive side of life. But still i found friend and company with them.
But even how happy you feel is... there comes a point in your life that we feel depressed, sad and alone...
Going home alone, sleeping alone, eating alone... makes me say "something is missing in me".. But still I can't figure it out...
well they said...
"You can never be contented... Just satified..."
for most of the people... cannot be contented... we always look for much better... we always leave things behind... and look for the better...
How I wish... I can be contented on what I have and what I had...
(Currently Listening: Love Moves in Mysterious Ways by Nina)
According to the song...
"Love moves in mysterious ways..."
Love really moves in mysterious ways. It is unpredictable. It moves in a way where we don't know how to control it. It moves in a way that seems nobody is around you and your world shuts down. It moves in a way where we believe, hope and dream that happiness could be achieved in an utmost level. Like every mans dream "To fall in love... and be loved in return."
Love is the foundation of any relationships. It is the basic foundation of trust and commitment. It is the source of sacrifices and understandings. It makes your self-steem low. It makes a different person. and somehow it makes us a better person.
But how positively can we think of love. Love can be harsh in some ways.
Love can ruin partnership and break the bond of trust and commitment. It is the reason why we became selfish and self-centered. We easily get attached to someone that we forget ourselves and the people around us.
But eventhough we lose some of it. We still hope that one day love will come our way no matter how hard the consequences is just to feel love once again and be happy...
It has been weeks since I've posted my last entry. A lot of things has been happening to me. Just recently a tragic event just happened in my life whom I did not expect. It was all of a sudden. Its like a smash of a big hammer onto me.
Well indeed it hurts. I can't accept it. It's like the whole world crashed down on me. I am devastated.
From that moment I felt guilty... Guilty because I let my world evolve around him... Guilty because I let myself a second priority... Guilty because I never gave myself a chance to stand up alone...
I was seeking for an advice from my friend (a true friend, i can attest to that..) and gave me some things in life that I lack and probably remember... out of the conversation i tried to create a quote.
"Loving someone is a huge responsibility and it involves a lot of sacrifices. If you're not mature enough to handle that, then you are not ready to commit. If you keep on holding what you are, then you will never find your true self."
Right now.. I'm still not losing hope... I am still hoping... Hoping that everything will be fixed, hoping that everything will be alright... Not in an instant but in gradual phase... I'm not closing doors for chances for its not asked... its given... I can and will wait...
With this tragic moment... I am facing a new me... A person who does not quit, a person who is determined and motivated... A person who prioritize himself and a person who stand alone...
It was a boring day for me. We don't have any workload to do for the whole shift. I was busy reading some stuff when suddenly my teammate was able to find a website where you can check whats it means.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
This is the time when I decided to work here in Cebu and join the crowd. This is the time when I decided to leave the company when I feel that I’m not well compensated considering the tenureship, dedication and hard work that I gave to the company.
It is on this year when I found a new home, new career and new “me”. Though a lot of struggle came when I’m still on a transition from the things that I am used to be to the things that is New to me. It is also on this time when I decided to leave and let go of someone I knew and been longing for. Well it really felt good.
In this year, I found myself all alone and felt that I’m fooled to those people whom I thought who would save me of what I’ve become.
But evetually, someone came. And thought me how to be open again and tells me there’s more to life than the four walls of my room.
This is the time when I truly understand what Unconditional Love is and knowing how to keep it.
It is the time when I found true friends that really understand and cares.
Its been a good year to me. Hoping for a better, happy and worth living 2009.
Now I can feel that its Christmas Season already. A lot of people is going on leave for Christmas Vacation (unfortunately.... been celebrating Christmas in the office for the past 2 years).. on the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day it is gonna be my Rest Day. For the first time in 3 years, Its gonna be my restday on those days (DAMN!! as far as I really want to work but it seems that my teammates doesn't want to have a swap since its DOUBLE PAY!!!). Probably it will be the first time that I am going to spend it alone in my room.
Its kinda sad but I don't have any choice.
Poh, will be having a shift on that night. Establishments are closed. And I bet less jeeps will be on the road.
sigh...
But still I am hoping for a Happy Christmas on that night.
---
Here are my Christmas Wishlist, Its just a list though..
Boxer Shorts
Since I sleep and stay in my room a lot. It would be better if I only wear boxer shorts since its very relaxing and it will lessen my laundry problems.
A White or Dirty White Chuck Taylor Shoes
Probably if I have money I will buy this. Probably from Bench or Penshoppe (I Prefer. Converse is too expensive)
A Pair of Jeans
A pair of Jeans ( Rugged Look ) from JAG, Dickies or Bench. This is the first Christmas that I haven't bought any pants. (will be buying by January)
New Jacket ( the green one from ArtWork )
Hayyyyyyy... Been dying to buy that Jacket that I saw in ArtWork. But Im working on it right now. ( Diet!! Diet!!! Diet!! ) Toblerone Dark Choco
A lot of Chocolates... I mean dark chocolates.. But unfortunately, Im Allergic to it ( sad.. sigh..)
Pizza and Pasta
I miss my mom's homemade pasta... huhuuhuhu... and a take out Pizza from Shakey's huhuhuhuhu....
A lot of Christmas Greetings
Somehow.. greetings on Christmas Eve will somewhat makes me happy and satisfied. Well at least they are thinking about you and your happiness. Love
One of the best gift that I have received. Well kowing that theres someone who cares for you and loves u undeniably... That really feels good... Not just during christmas season... But all of the time..
and
Finally
Giving Thanks to those people.. who made me Smile, Laugh, and Feel that I exist..
To my close friends...
Who never gave up on me... even though during dark times..
To my enemies...
That made me a better person and teach me how to fight and act professionally.
To myFamily...
Who is always there... to cheer me up and made me what I am right now..
For the past few years I've been out of the track. I made myself a loner. Having limited friends and having no time to socialize and explore the outside world of my Room and work make me realize that I missed a lot. But lately I am going back to normal life, I'm starting to get back to the track whom i missed for the past 4 years.
Thanks to Poh for having a lot of patient on me, for making me speak and not just stay in silence, for letting me explore things that theres more to life outside the four walls of my room and for the love that makes me go back to where I belong.
For now... am happy...
and
still adjusting to the things that I have missed...
Last week.. Wella (Author of Thinking Pen), my colleague, has been asking me if what is my point of view about same sex marriage. Coz she is composing a blog about it. ( please visit her site to read her entry about same sex marriage )
I told her...
"I am not a believer in marriages (not just for same sex marriage but for marriage as a whole)... I believe in commitment and how to oblige on it.. It is not necessary to be married in order for your love be perfected.."
Love can be perfected by two people working a strong relationship... It is the foundation of trust that that you gain and earn on both sides... It is a bridge of communication for two people working together as one...
I have a college/close friend who is having a problem with marriage... her partner has been married before and got kids... They've been together for years and yet she still want to be married with her partner... She is having a problem knowing that his partner is not yet annulled with his previous wife... She is afraid that one day she might loose her partner just because they're not married and they can't be recognized as a family ( luckily they got a very cute son )...
I asked her...
"Do you love him?"
and she said... "Yes, I do..." I asked again...
"Does he love you?"
and she answered... "Yeah, he's been telling me that and showing it..."
I then asked her a follow-up question...
"Then... Whats the problem?"
she just stared at me and cried... and then I told her...
"Do not be afraid just because you both are not married... Marriage is just papers.. you sign them and be recognized... But what's important is the commitment that you both vowed to each other... The love that you shared through all these years..."
Do not think of marriage as a lacking peice in the puzzle that makes your relationship perfect... Don't make your life more complicated just because of that...
You both are happy...
Be contented on what you have...
The most important is you have HIM...
and he has YOU..."
....
I was reading at Wella's entry ( and got permission to post a paragraph of it.. ).. And I told her... "this is for you".... and then post it on our IM
Marriage is a sacred and a legal vow of commitment, but we can also love without having to go through a sacred ceremony. If our law demanded to limit marriage to a man and a woman, why bother tying the knot when we can show love other than exchanging I dos? There are a lot of ways to show our love and it has nothing to do with blotting our decrees much more with regulations than would make it more imperfect.
For 10 months in the company that i am currently working. Today is the first time that we had Team Lunch together with my Supervisor, Teammates and our Wavemate QE. It was really fun. We had our Team Lunch after shift @ Chika-an sa Cebu Restaurant located at SM Northwing.
A lot of issues has been happenning internally on the team but still we manage to give it a very exciting and happy group as we ate... talk... ate... talk and ate...
We had our exchange gift and have a sort of bonding moments together with the team that we rarely do it for the past 10 months... luckily I got 2 ArtWork Shirts ( as what is stated in my wishlist )...
After lunch we had a small talk and strolling around the mall and ending up riding bumper inside Bibo. Honestly it is my first time to ride and drive a bumper... After the experience i find myself laughing... smiling... perspiring and saying... "That was a Stress Reliever!!!"... Yeah it is indeed a stress reliever... For a moment I forgot those things that bugs in my head and it was replaced with enjoyment, fun, and have more time to laugh, talk and exchange jokes with my colleague/friends...
After the bonding moment with the team... I realized that eventhough we had conflicts with our colleague at work... we still find them a friend... who helps u to be stronger because of the gap that both of u make...
Looking forward for more bonding moment with the team..
From the moment I heard this song it really keeps playing in my head most of the time. Maybe because the lyrics of the song and its rendition really sounds good to my ears or the impact of the melody of the song to its lyrics and music. Well.. this is the line that really stuck me the moment I heard this song..
Twilight tells the story of 17-year-old Bella Swan who moves to the small town of Forks, Washington to live with her father, and becomes drawn to Edward Cullen, a pale, mysterious classmate who seems determined to push her away. But neither can deny the attraction that pulls them together...even when Edward confides that he and his family are vampires. Their unorthodox romance puts her in physical danger when Edward's nemesis comes to town and sets his sights on Bella.
For Bella Swan, there is one thing more important than life itself: Edward Cullen. But being in love with a vampire is even more dangerous than Bella could ever have imagined. Edward has already rescued Bella from the clutches of one evil vampire, but now, as their daring relationship threatens all that is near and dear to them, they realize their troubles may be just beginning...
As Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge, Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward and her friendship with Jacob—knowing that her decision has the potential to ignite the ageless struggle between vampire and werewolf. With her graduation quickly approaching, Bella has one more decision to make: life or death. But which is which?
Breaking Dawn, is a reference to the beginning of Bella's life as a vampire. The cover is a metaphor for Bella's progression throughout the entire saga; she began as the physically weakest player on the board, the pawn, but ended up the strongest, the queen." The plays The Merchant of Venice and A Midsummer Night's Dream both influenced Breaking Dawn. Originally, Meyer wrote a book titled Forever Dawn, which was a direct sequel to Twilight. While the basic storyline stayed the same, Forever Dawn was narrated completely from Bella's point of view, the werewolves and Jacob were "only sketchily developed", Victoria and Laurent were both alive, and there was an epilogue.
I am a man with few words. I want the world to be in an innovative yet very simple place to live. I am the type of person whom i will do everything just to make other people happy as long as they deserve to be happy. happy go lucky yet very emotional.
